God has a plan

I remember the day vividly in my head like it was yesterday. We were sitting in the doctor’s office and she had examined Jake and told us that he had autism spectrum disorder.

I didn’t expect it. I started to cry as she looked over my hospital reports from his birth and I all could think about that it was my fault that this happened. You see I went into labour at 30 weeks and as you can imagine your brain is not fully developed at that point in time.

My husband and I walked silently side by side holding Jake’s hand as the three of us walked back to the car. I tried to hold the tears in, but they just flowed out. My husband hugged me and assured me that everything would be fine.

I didn’t realize then what our life was going to look like. I knew that it would be totally different than what we had anticipated and in those first few weeks, I was so very sad.

I asked the question we all do from time-to-time why? Why us? I thought that I had been through enough already. I had lost my Dad when I was 21, then I married, who I thought was the man of my dreams, only to have it end in divorce seven years later. I finally did meet the man of my dreams, my husband now.

God in the midst of all this ugliness had a plan. Even in my darkest hours of despair, he was there. I could handle things happening to myself (or so I thought) but not my child. I went right to the worst case scenario because I knew nothing about autism. I imagined our son being institutionalized, taken away from us, this was not what I had signed up for. It’s really the only thing I knew about autism. It looked grim.

But you see, God had a plan, even in all that chaos. He was there.

My husband said a profound thing to me at that time that I will never forget. He asked me what is our faith for if we can’t trust God to be in charge. He kept saying we needed to rely on our faith to get us through. He was right absolutely, but in theory or so I thought.

There were literally many years I felt so alone and we delved into this totally new world, but when it came right down to it, I did trust God. I know he provided for all the therapy costs and our ability to help our son.

I honestly don’t know financially how we did it. We were living on one income and we needed to buy so many things to get what our son needed. He was on wait lists for services, but we literally had to pay out of our pocked for 18 months. It was hard. I was cranky, but God kept our family together. He was there. This was part of his plan.

I have learned over the years that God does not make mistakes. What happens to us is what’s supposed to happen and as much as I sometimes wished I was in someone else’s life because it looked easier, I would never change a single moment because I believe my life has been so enriched and enhanced and it has allowed me to be open to something I knew nothing about. I have met people who are close friends now, who I would never have met if it were not for God’s plan and autism. Now, I consider myself an autism expert, truly something I never could have imagined and our life is full of promises and opportunities, not despair.

I was reading recently that God allows trials to come into our life so that he can build our trust and faith in him. He wants us to face trying times because that’s how we grow in our faith.

I am thankful that God knows best. I am thankful that even though God didn’t answer my prayers the way I wanted him too sometimes, that he had a plan and that he has put me in such a great position of being able to have a platform to help and encourage others.

He has led me into helping set up our special needs program at Amberlea, which I am deeply honoured to be a part of. I never would have imagined ever being able to do this even 5 years ago.

Our culture talks about inclusion, but as a special needs parent, it’s extremely difficult at times. You have to have some pretty thick skin to be able to listen to some things and deal with them. I now have this a million times over and I know it’s only through the strength that God has given me that this is possible.

Amberlea has been so supportive of this initiative and I really hope to grow this program once this pandemic subsides. I have a real motivation and dedication to this as I know how important church is to our community.

Keep praying for us and the development of this program. I know that this is part of God’s plan!

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Shelly Wedge is an author, mother, wife and all around amazing woman. She is a member of Amberlea Church and is the Coordinator of the Exceptional Families Ministry.