Who and what do you think of when I say the words, “Father’s Day?” Is it your own father, your husband, or another significant man in your life? Is it someone who is still around to celebrate with you or is it someone who is no longer with you?

What do you think of when you are a parent of a special needs child? Is it the same? Do your feelings differ from your up-bringing?

This is a tough one for many people, including myself. My Dad passed away when I was 21 years old and to this day, I still miss him every Father’s Day. But the pain has lessened as the years have passed. I always try to think of good memories and fun times that we had together with him and that’s what carries me and gives me strength, even when it’s difficult.

I often wonder what my own Dad would think about having two special needs grandchildren, if he was alive. I sometimes play different scenarios in my head and imagine what he would say or what his advice to me would be. I think this is one of the things that I miss the most, not having him ever know our kids or watch them grow up. It’s bittersweet.

Then I think about the father of our children, George and how he handles being a father to our kids. He truly amazes me because even from the very beginning, he always used to tell me not to worry about the ‘label’. Instead to just focus on our child (at that time we only knew about one child being on the spectrum) and that’s what got me through. For a special needs parent or even a grandparent it can mean a ‘loss of dreams’, or the loss of a type of relationship that they had planned for their child.

I’m here to tell you though that even though there may be differences, there are also many benefits and love that can come from a child with special needs. The challenges (and there are many) can be difficult, but when your child achieves something monumental that others may never even notice, you celebrate!

Let me just give you an example. We were teaching our son the habit of shutting the bathroom door when he uses it, for literally 3 years. I verbally reminded him. There were times that I had a big sign on the inside of the bathroom to shut the door. I would shut it for him AND remind him. Sometimes he did it… but at the beginning, he didn’t. It was so frustrating because he needed to be taught about privacy. Until one day, it just finally clicked! Imagine! For most pre-teens or teens this is really a non-issue, but for a child on the spectrum, many ‘taken for granted’ skills need to be taught. We need to break it down, sometimes with verbal or written prompts for them to do it. So we celebrate!!!

“As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him.” (Psalm 103:13)

We have a heavenly Father who loves us and sees our struggles and our cries for help and He is there for us – to listen to us, to comfort us and to celebrate with us.

Whatever your Father’s Day looks like, remember how much God, your heavenly Father loves you. He is the constant, even when you don’t have an earthly Father to look up to. He will always be there and if you ask me, that is really comforting.