What do you think of when you hear this word?

One of the dictionary meanings is, “choose and use particular words in order to say or write something.”

Words can have different meanings depending on the way you look at it. We all know that words can be good and bad. They can be used to help and support and they can also be used in a negative way to hurt someone or to say mean things.

More often than not, when you are talking about autism, you will hear the “words” in a negative way. It could be something like, “She has autism”. Or, “He can’t do that because of his autism”. Or even just plain not saying any words at all to a person with autism with the assumption that they cannot engage with you or contribute to the conversation or task at hand whatever that might be.

I recently had an experience with our son’s school. I won’t share all of the details, but the words that were said were very hurtful. We had been trying to figure out his courses for this semester as things had to be shifted around as he didn’t get one of his credits last semester. The person I was speaking with became very defensive on the phone and this is someone I have known for a few years now. She was telling me that our son “could not” do this particular subject which I knew was not true but that we would need to look at the teaching style and supports for the way in which he learns.

If that wasn’t upsetting enough, she proceeded to tell me that the prior course he did last year (which the teacher was really awesome and accommodating) wasn’t scored correctly or the teacher hadn’t done something right or allowable during the exam so basically he shouldn’t have received the mark he did. Wow, I felt stomped on and horrible and I knew what she was saying wasn’t true, as I know from experience that teachers have a certain amount of discretion when it comes to modification, testing and marking. It still stung. I got off the phone and broke down and cried. Our son had worked so incredibly hard and we were so proud of him for this achievement and now she was trying to take this away from him.

Her words hurt me so very much. I don’t even think she has any idea of how unprofessional she was but also just how thoughtless as well.

I tell you this story in terms of special needs and autism because this happens so often. We call things disabilities. We hear the words “can’t”, “won’t”, “will never be able to” and so on. Let me tell you that there are many, many, things that people said our son would never be able to do or couldn’t do that he is now doing and succeeding at! Just because a person learns a different way doesn’t mean that they are not teachable and certainly has no bearing on their future success.

Some of the parents I talk to are beaten down a lot. They have so many of these terrible moments that it can break them.

God wants us to always be kind to people - all people - not just the ones we are intimately connected to. He instructs us to do this. Ephesians 4:32 says,

“Be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other,
just as in Christ God forgave you.”

I had a very wise friend who gave me some great advice after this interaction I had. She said “Shelly, just pray for her, put it aside and don’t think about it anymore.” I am so grateful for this advice because that’s exactly what I did.

Let’s all be conscious of the words we choose and show kindness to everyone.

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
www.amberleachurch.ca